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Displaying items by tag: anxiety

Thursday, 27 May 2021 12:51

How to cope with anxiety

If you're wondering if it's possible to remove or overcome anxiety, you're in the right article because you'll find detailed information about it.

First, it's essential to understand that anxiety is a natural response of your body to a possible event that could be dangerous. So, in a way, it will always be present in our lives. However, when this fear becomes part of our daily routine or triggers responses that interfere with the normal development of our lives, it is important to pay attention to it. Therefore, it is necessary to learn to know and manage anxiety not to control us or make us react in ways that can be detrimental to our mental and physical health. 

Where to start?

Here are some critical steps to help you overcome anxiety: 

Accept that you suffer from anxiety

The first step is to accept reality. If you notice anxiety symptoms and they affect your life, you need to accept that you suffer from them. This acceptance does not mean resignation but is the first step towards finding solutions. This way, you will not avoid all the situations that make you anxious because you will not be attacking the root of the problem.

Ask a specialist for a diagnosis

Having a diagnosis about your anxiety is transcendental to overcome it because you will really know what you have, how complex it is, and how to deal with it. The diagnosis established by a psychology professional will allow you to establish an effective treatment so that the anxiety will not affect your performance in the different areas of your life. 

Follow a treatment

The third step that will help you remove or overcome anxiety is to be willing to follow a treatment indicated by a psychologist. It is essential to be patient and consistent, anxiety is one of the most treatable mental health difficulties, but this is only if you are really committed to treatment. The sessions with an online psychologist will help you learn and put into practice strategies to achieve the objective of learning new tools to manage your anxiety. 


4 tips you can apply to reduce or overcome anxiety

Here are some tips that you can implement to overcome anxiety, but remember the steps that we have mentioned above because they are the ones that will guide you towards the final overcoming. 

#1: Keep a diary

This may sound absurd, I know, but describing your feelings in a written form helps to cope with your state. You may ask how exactly does diary or essay writing help with overcoming a problem that is treated medically? At least it makes you rethink and accept your state, as well as creates you a room for some venting when all your trusted people are away. 

#2: Learn to breathe correctly

One of the most common symptoms of anxiety is hyperventilation or shortness of breath. For example, if we breathe quickly, our body will get too much oxygen, and this can cause a feeling of dizziness and drowning.  

That is why breathing techniques, yoga, or relaxation exercises help us to be more aware of the way we breathe. So, when we have high levels of anxiety, we can practice these techniques that will help us to calm our breathing. 

#3: Play some sport

Playing sport helps us have good physical and mental health, helps us manage stress levels, and improves our quality of life. Physical activity has been found to help reduce some of the symptoms of anxiety and improve mood and sleep quality.

#4: Learn to set boundaries

Having clear boundaries will help us manage the number of stressors we are exposed to. Knowing what I need, when to say no or how much I can be there for someone else allows us to take care of ourselves. 


So, can anxiety be removed or overcome?

Yes! With the proper treatment, patience, and perseverance, it will be possible to learn the necessary tools to manage anxiety disorders. Just don't make it develop even deeper, don't try to self-diagnose or self-treat the problem, and don't hesitate to ask a professional for help.

Published in Therapists Blog
Friday, 15 June 2018 15:34

Stress, Anxiety, and Eating Disorders

Stress has the ability to cause stomach aches, sweaty palms, and a pounding heart, and it plays a huge part in both physical and mental health. Stress has been linked to the development and the relapse of disordered eating, including conditions like bulimia nervosa and anorexia nervosa, and poor coping skills, difficulty problem solving, and high levels of perceived stress are often found in Individuals requiring eating disorder therapy. It's important to understand the connection between stress, anxiety, and eating disorders in order to formulate the best possible eating disorder support and treatment for Individuals on the journey towards recovery.   


Individuals with Eating Disorders are Often More Sensitive to Stress 

According to a qualitative study done by the Australia and New Zealand Academy for Eating Disorders, individuals who display the symptoms of anorexia nervosa and other eating disorders may be more sensitive and vulnerable to stress. This may be true for several different reasons, including interpersonal sensitivities; deficiency in coping skills; and extremely high standards and expectations for themselves. Individuals are often highly sensitive to the reactions and opinions of others and more likely to use external standards to judge themselves.


Stress May Be Both a Cause and Effect of Eating Disorders

Both stress and anxiety may be an underlying factor in the development of eating disorders, and the Anxiety and Depression Association of America reports that 65% of Individuals with eating disorders have experienced an anxiety disorder. A large percentage of those with anxiety disorders developed them long before the emergence of their eating disorder. Stress is not only a big factor in the development of eating disorders, but it may intensify disordered eating symptoms and even negatively impact recovery.  


For many individuals who display the symptoms of disordered eating, stress is also an effect of the eating disorder. Eating disorders cause both physical stress and psychological stress. The fixation on weight, food, and the body can be exhausting, and as it overtakes every part of a patient's life, it often raises stress levels. Unfortunately, the increase in stress has the potential to then make the disorder worse.   


The Relationships Between Stress and Disordered Eating 

The relationship between stress and disordered eating is cyclical in nature and multiple mechanisms are involved in this relationship. For many Individuals, disordered eating becomes a stress management technique that offers a sense of control. It is a coping strategy often used to deal with stress. 


During recovery, stress has the ability to interfere, and some Individuals may display stress avoidance behaviors, avoiding the extra stress that often comes with going through treatment. In some cases, stress may even reduce the motivation Individuals have to recover or cause physical symptoms, such as loss of appetite or nausea.  

Can Stress-Reduction Techniques Improve the Treatment Results? 

Since stress is an underlying factor for disordered eating, may be caused by disordered eating, and it has the potential to interfere with treatment, addressing stress and implementing stress reduction techniques while teaching healthy coping mechanisms may improve treatment results. For example, mindfulness meditation is well known for its ability to help relieve stress, and studies show that it’s a logical and helpful treatment choice for Individuals with eating disorders. Along with stress, most Individuals with eating disorders share similar issues, such as issues with harsh self-criticism, control, and perfection. Mindfulness meditation-based treatment can offer excellent results, helping Individuals reduce stress and come to a relationship with self that is kinder, more authentic, and gentler.  


Studies have assessed treatments designed to reduce worry and rumination, both of which may be problems for excessively stressed Individuals, and results have suggested that cognitive behavioral interventions and mindfulness-based interventions may prove helpful for the reduction of both worry and rumination. Other stress reduction activities suggested by the National Institute of Mental Health, such as yoga, regular exercise, and tai chi may also be useful for Individuals working through eating disorder therapy. 


The role of stress and anxiety in the development and maintenance of eating disorders cannot be ignored, and by understanding the mechanisms connecting them, it's possible to come up with better treatment options that address the whole person to facilitate complete recovery.  The combination of evidence-based treatment with stress-reducing techniques and mindfulness practices offers Individuals the ability to address stress, learn how to deal with it, and work towards ending the cycle of stress and disordered eating.

Published in Anxity Blog

Anxiety is the most common deasses of overall world. Anxiety may fall your life, family and society. We’ve all had the revel in of feeling tense approximately something, to the diploma that it keeps us up and makes it hard to fall asleep. In case you’re a worrier by using nature, your fears and issues can also regularly reason you to lie awake in mattress for hours, tossing and turning. Whilst this takes place frequently, one evidently starts to feel disturbing approximately bedtime as night strategies, making it even more difficult to wind down. The best news is that tension may be successfully handled. Often via easy matters you can do yourself, the vicious cycle can be damaged and you could lessen anxiety.


 1) Avoid caffeine to reduce anxiety

 In case you’re a worrier, live away from caffeine, specifically in the latter half of of the day. In case you need to have something in the morning, choose inexperienced tea because it consists of an amino acid, l-theanine, which promotes serenity and calm.


2) Try guided relaxation techniques

If you’re a worrier, live far from caffeine, specifically within the latter half of the day. If you have to have something within the morning, select inexperienced tea because it incorporates an amino acid, l-theanine, which promotes serenity and calm.

3) Take deep, relaxing breaths

Taking deep, enjoyable breaths can calm the frightened device and reduce fashionable anxiety. When you word your self-beginning to worry or disturbing up, take several slow deep breathe in through your nose, and exhale your fears and concerns out your mouth. I additionally use this method each time I have a difficult time falling asleep.


4) Try Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

Anxiety is often a result of poor thought habits consisting of fearing the worst, focusing at the negative, misguided assumptions and poor self-talk. CBT techniques can change your ordinary approaches of seeing the sector. If your anxiety is sizeable, don't forget seeing a expert therapist educated in CBT. Alternatively, there are worksheets and CBT self-help tools available online which may help you work through your worries.


5) Write down your worries

While your fears run around familiar tracks for your thoughts all day, it is able to be tough to advantage control of them. Stop the cycle of chronic anxiety by writing your fears in a journal. What's the worst that would occur? What is more likely to

6) Exercise to blow off steam

If you’re feeling honestly keyed up, strive going for a run, a brisk walk or visit the health club. You can lessen anxiety with the aid of consciously shaking off your fears and concerns as you do it. Bodily interest releases stress and also improves intensity of sleep at night time.


7) Get enough sleep

Why you need more sleep? It is medically test and proven that sleep help to reduce anxiety. Unluckily, the much less sleep you get, the more worrying you’re in all likelihood to be. It’s also harder to manage pressure. In case you’ve been feeling disturbing, the closing element you want to do is cut corners on sleep.  Get to bed earlier, to present yourself the pleasant danger at a stable night time’s relaxation.

Also, you need comfortable bed for your night sleep. If you have back pain and if you did not sleep on bed, you should find others ways to sleep. I suggest to sleep on recliner chair for your back pain. You may find recliner chair visiting Reclinergenie website.




Final Words:

Sooner or later, in case you’ve been feeling demanding for a long time and it’s affecting your sleep extensively, it’s important to allow your medical doctor understand approximately it. I think that this guideline of sleep may helped you to reduce your anxiety. 

Published in Anxiety General Blog
Saturday, 04 February 2017 05:41

At the end of my rope.

When I graduated from High School in 2012, I thought that my life would get a whole lot better. For the most part, it really has. I got the opportunity to be a Radio DJ when I was 17 back in 2011, and two years into being in Radio, I got to interview Kip Winger, who is a guy that I used to idolize as a child. He told me that I gave him the best interview he ever had, and I felt like I had died and went to heaven when he said that to me. Then a year later, another dream came true. I got to interview Mick Foley, Three-Time WWE Champion and Pro Wrestling Legend. Even though the interview didn't really go as I liked it to go, I got to interview a guy that I grew up watching on Monday Night RAW and SmackDown, and a guy who had been to the mountiantop in Pro Wrestling, WWE. Ever since I was a little kid, I wanted to do one thing and one thing only with my life, be in the Pro Wrestling Business, let alone WWE. In 2006, when I was 12, I joined YouTube and a year later, I began doing videos where I gave my opinion on certian things that happened in the Wrestling Business. I became well-known in grade and high school as the guy to go to for everything Pro Wrestling. I was the guy to go to for the inside info, who the champions was, the match outcomes, I was Pro Wrestling. 


In 2015, I joined a Classic Rock Station in my Hometown and started my show called Flashback Fridays. It wasn't long before my hometown fell in love with me and my show. I felt like I was on top of the world because I was finally famous, in a small town. Shortly after Flashback Fridays was created, I began to do what I used to do on YouTube, talking Pro Wrestling. I play my music and then before the end of the program, I talk Pro Wrestling News and Rumors and give my opinion on it, like how I did YouTube. The next thing I know, I get a message from a guy that works at the local television station in my hometown. He, like me, is a big Pro Wrestling fan, and he invited me to be on his online Pro Wrestling show to discuss WWE Extreme Rules 2016. I accepted, done the podcast, and felt as though I completed a major step in achieving my lifelong dream. Then, around Thanksgiving Season, it began to get real. 


I recieved another message from the guy from the local television station. This time, he invited me to be apart of a new Pro Wrestling Promotion that started in my hometown, and wanted me to commentate wrestling with him. I had to take it in, I couldn't believe it. Finally, after a decade of digging and clawing and dreaming, I had got my foot in the door. I made it. I was scheduled to make my debut on December 10. Five years ago on that date, I made my debut in Radio. It felt right.


I arrived at the arena at 11:30 in the morning and helped set up the ring and hand out tickets during a Christmas Parade. I was so happy and excited because I knew I was paying my dues. Then it was showtime. I was told that I would be ringing the bell, announcing the winners/time elapsed in matches, and playing entrance music. I had an issue with one wrestler of 20+ years who talked about me backstage pretty badly because I didn't ring the bell loud enough and because I played his entrance music after he won, even though I was told to play it. Shortly after that incident, I helped take down the ring and the promoter told me to come back. I felt as though everything was working out and I was on my path to being successful in Pro Wrestling. That was until a week or two later, when I had this conversation with the promoter:


12/27/2016 12:19AM

Promoter: U need to get your license

Me:That's the truth man, how do I get it? Do I apply online or do I have to fill out a form?

Promoter:Online send u link tomorrow Headed to bed later

Me:Oh okay man that sounds good, talk to you later man. If you watch WWE and was able to catch RAW, let me know what happened on it tomorrow because I couldn't watch it tonight

Promoter:Bro I don't watch that garbage

Me:It's all good man, it's been on a downhill slide for awhile, but they do have some fo the indie guys like Owens, Rollins, and Ambrose. You should watch New Japan when you get the chance, they're the best out there right now

Promoter:Bro litttle advice don't tell anyone u watch it or keep up with actual workers and old timers u meet will have no respect for u

Me:Thanks man, I know that to defiantly be true. There's a lot of people in the business that hates Vince with a passion. He did take down the territories and that was pretty shitty that he done that. I watched a lot of WCW growing up and WCW before 2000 was awesome.


Shortly after that conversation, I thought it was pretty strange that he would say that to me. That if I keep up with WWE and if people were to find out that I kept up with it, they would lose respect for me. Which I later found out to be a big lie. Later on that day, I announced to my follwers and friends that a Tag Team in the WWE called American Alpha had became the SmackDown Tag Team Champions. Shortly after I got the word out, I get another message from the promoter, below is the conversation:


12/27/2016 9:13PM


Promoter:Quit posting WWE posts

Me:Sorry about that man

Promoter:Listen reason is. It has nuttin to do with Vince. But if you're in the business u can no longer act like a fan. The wwe is now full of your peers not. Ppl to idealize. If you at like a fan then be a fan. Get what I mean

Me:Okay, I get what you're saying now. Now that I'm in the business, it's a whole new ballgame and it's a sacred thing. I guess where I've been a fan so long it's hard to forget that I'm in it now. It will pass and I'll adapt to it.

Promoter:Who's the worst nba team

Me:I think right now it's still the 76ers

Me:Yeah it's Philly, they're 7-23

Promoter:Do u think that 12th man on the 76ers bench. Watches and follows lbj. Buys his jersey and tweets about how great he is

Me:He dosen't.

Me:They're all wanting to be better than lbj.

Promoter:Because they are his what I'm the business


Me:That's right man, just like in wrestling, everybody in sports wants to be the best. A lot will not reach the best, only the ones who have the mentality hunger and drive can make it there

Promoter:Yep. U also need help from old timers. Every time you act like a mark you shit on the old timers. They loose respect for you and won't help u

Me:That is totally the truth. I'm not a mark or a smark by all means. I really fucking love this business. It's what I want to do for the rest of my life. I will never shit on it my man. I know what you mean there. I was friends with a veteran in wrestling, but he passed away six years ago. His name was Jim White, he was the man

Promoter:Yeah I was at his funeral

Promoter:And there's no such thing as a snark


Me:I'm sorry about that. Jim was an awesome guy, I wish I would have got to know him better. The smark thing is a myth?

12/27/2016 11:52PM


Promoter:Yep can't be smart to something and be a mark at the same time

Me:I never really thought about that before man


Shortly after this conversation, I told a friend of mine that works at another promotion and he was pissed. He couldn't believe that he said that. I then told him that I would be leaving this promotion for the one that he is at and he said that his promoter would be honored to have me. Sadly, I am unable to make it to any of the shows at the other promotion because I am 22 going on 23 with no Driver's Liscense, My mom's truck is a V8 and loves to guzzle gas, and plus my work schedule usually gets overloaded. I talked to another friend of mine that wrestled for 18 years that lives in Indiana and he told me that everything the promoter was saying to me wasn't true because he had been in the locker rooms at shows where former wrestling stars would be at and all the wrestlers would be lined up to shake their hand, and get pictures/autographs. He also told me that if I want to be succesful in this business, to leave the current promotion for the one that my friend works at. So that's what I done. 


2017 has already turned into the worst year of my life, and I thought last year was. We're not even a month in and My Dog of 15 years passes away, My Grandfather gets put in the hospital for pneumonia in his right lung, My mother gets sick with a fever, I'm not in good standing with the Classic Rock station that my show is broadcasted at, I'm in danger of being wrote up/fired at work, I haven't dated anyone since I was a Senior in High School and I'm almost 23 and still a virgin, One of my best friends just left work for another job, and now to top it all off, my friend from the other promotion decided to work for the promotion that I was at and took a photo with the promoter that said all those things to me and I know now that I can't and probably will never be able to make it in Pro Wrestling. The dream that I have had since I was a kid might not come true because of that asshole of a promoter. Why would I be directed to bust my ass for a decade just to be told I can't make it anymore? Just to be stopped at a dead end? There has to be something more, but I don't know what. I'm really at the end of my rope now. Everything that could go wrong in my life is going wrong, and now I feel like and I fear that I'll be stuck working my shitty job while everybody else enjoys the fruits of life. I just hope that God can get me out of this deep valley that I'm in, and help me reach the top of the mountian again. 

Published in Diary

I wanted to tell at least one of my friends that I might be trans, and I am friends with them on Facebook, so I went to see their pages to see if they support the LGBT community. I found out that one of them is Pangender. It took me quite a while to have the courage to message him that I thought he would understand, and I didn't know how the others would feel about it, but I feel like I might be trans. He replied that there are probably more people who would understand than I think. Then, he suggested that we should meet out for coffee or something. However, we haven't scheduled a day and time. It has been a few days I haven't heard back from him. I asked him when he is available, but he didn't respond. I saw that he had seen the message. My anxiety is telling me that he decided he doesn't want to talk to me anymore. I have all these negative thoughts and images running through my mind. Maybe he thinks I am weird for going on his page and look at the "about" section of his page. Maybe I scared him and he's now worried what the others think of him. But, I am trying to remind myself that he could be really busy, and I am also trying to push those worries out of my mind. Although I can't help obsess and check Facebook every day to see if he got back to me. I hope I don't sound odd or strange.

Published in Diary
Sunday, 17 July 2016 22:37

Food Allergies and Panic Attacks

I had my first panic attack episodes after experiencing anaphylaxis for the first time  from eating a mango on the fourth of July (wherein I also accidentally took too much benedryl  and the entire day was like a really bad paranoid trip). The week after I would get these fake anaphylaxis symptoms before I would eat fruit - my throat would tighten and go dry (I could not swallow unless I was drinking or eating), I had the "sense of doom", and I could just feel myself turn white and I would get a cold sweat. When this happened, I would just take a sip of water, breathe deeply a couple of times, and get back to work. On the weekend, I sat down and choked down all the food that had given me an episode - I could eat strawberries again! It took about an hour and a half to eat all the fruit and nuts I normally eat. So that stopped for a while. However, everytime I would think about a mango, I would get the fake allergic reaction symptoms.

I practice martial arts, and on this past monday we were working on grappling, specifically arm bars which involves pressing down all of your weight on your partners chest, using that to lift your leg over. My partner was having a hard time making it fluid, so we worked on it for a while. The day after, I started having chest pain, and had my first episode not involving food that day. Basically, I felt pain in my chest and thought for about 30 seconds that I was having a heart attack (my mom had her first heart attack when she was young and healthy), until I remembered the excessive arm bars and pressure on my chest, and forced myself to calm down. 

On Thursday, I saw an allergist and he prescribed me an epipen and ordered some blood tests to verify the allergies (he did not have a scratch test for the mango). I got through the appointment okay - describing the allergic reaction made me relive it a bit, which I actually think is a good thing, but was not that bad. I told my doctor about the anxiety, and he says he sometimes sees this with patients and that it probably some sort of short term PTSD. 

On Friday, I had my first full blown panic attack. I had a little panic episode, and when I tried to breath deeply to calm myself down, I had a very sharp pain in my chest. It terrified me. Ever since the first panic episodes began, I figured that as long as I could breathe deeply, I was fine.I had body aches all over, pain in both arms, and a general sense of confusion along with dizzyness I ended up having to leave work for a couple of hours to go to the clinic. I told the doctor that I had no idea what was going on with me, and  I told him about the anxiety about fruit - freakin' lame fruit (which he said was not lame)  - and about everything that I had experienced since. I spent the two hours crying the entire time, and I have no idea why. The doctor did some bloodwork, gave me an EKG and a chest xray. All my vitals were fine, and every result was perfect. I am healthy. I know that I am healthy rationally. I am so used to being in tune with my body, but now I cannot trust the symptoms that it gives me. I feel very out of control. And I am just tired and frustrated although this has only been going on for a relatively short time. 

The food phobia has not really gone away yet, and apparently I have a phobia of heart attacks which probably comes from having a mother who has had a couple. I've spent this weekend trying to deal with it - trying to remember what it felt like to have that allergic reaction and trying to learn how to let that fear go. 

I have never had anxiety before; I've had asthma attacks with no access to an inhaler and have still not panicked. This is all new to me, but I want to deal with it. Has anyone else had anxiety with regards to food, and or medical conditions that family members have?





Published in Anxiety General Blog
Sunday, 17 July 2016 17:21

July 17th, 2016

Today is another day, like most others. I feel so melancholic, and yet I am still laughing and smiling at work, and trying to around my spouse. Little do my coworkers know I feel sick to my stomach, and spent the 1st 20 minutes of my drive to work balling because I didn't want to be a burden any longer. I don't know how to deal with these. I don't really exactly have the benefits coverage to go out and go to a doctor to discuss this, and if I need a prescription I can't afford it right now. I'm also scared a doctor will tell me there is absolutely nothing wrong with me, lose some weight and the depression and anxiety will disappear.

I had a friend explain it very well the other day, based on the Spoons theory. Take 10 pens for example, those represent the mental/emotional/physical capacity I have to complete tasks during the day. Each task/activity costs a pen. Getting out of bed, showering, basic hygeine, getting to work, spending time with my spouse, those all take up pens. When it comes down to it sometimes I forget to do things. 


Published in Diary
Friday, 15 July 2016 00:45

Depression Hurts

Today wasn't a full step back but I'm still standing. 

Personally, my biggest problem with depression is how my whole body begins to ache. It's so much harder to deal with feeling down when it feels like your body is working against you. Everytime I go to lie down and get some rest I argue with myself for several minutes to get up again. Once I'm down my body just doesn't want to get back up. 

I'm sure others have this problem and I would love some advice if anyone has any but I'm really just beat. I can't focus, my anxiety is just around the corner and my neck is killing me for no other reason than to be rude. 

Keep your head up, someone out there needs you. Even if you think they don't, you've touched one person in this world and they would miss you if you were gone. 

Much love, 


Published in Diary
Wednesday, 13 July 2016 04:51

I'm Unsure About Everything

For the past two days I've truly been struggling. I wait until my husband leaves for work before I start the long process of getting out of bed. I don't shower for several days at a time, I eat only things that don't involve effort to make or clean up, the dishes have been in my sink for three days I think, I only do laundry when there is nothing to wear and even then it makes my chest tighten because I fear what people would think if they saw my house in it's current condition. 

Every morning I lay in bed and think to myself "but what are you doing with your life?" I never have a good answer. I get up and if I have the energy I shower, I usually don't. I take my medication, I guess it helps, when I remember to take it, if I care enough to take it. All day I struggle to focus, the only thing I enjoy doing is making my lists. I make hundreds of lists a week, sometimes about books I want to read, sometimes about the most random things I can think of. It calms me down and doesn't allow me to think. 

Thinking is hard, I wonder what it would be like if anyone really knew how I thought. Unedited. Unfiltered. I've never told anyone the truth about runs through my head. Not that I want to kill people or hurt them or myself for that matter. I just re-think about everything wrong in my life, everything that has been wrong and everything that will be wrong in the future. It cycles like a show on re-run. Never ending. Sometimes it's easier because it's in the background and I can try to ignore it. But it's still there, I can see it out of the corner of my inner eye. 

Several times a day my breath catches and I have to close my eyes. Try so hard not to cry and hyperventalate. Heaven forbid I have to talk to someone on the phone or email someone. It takes all day just to get up the courage to call my parents a couple times a week and even then when the conversation stalls my chest tightens again. 

So what am I supposed to do? I fear every day that I will get called back to work or worse, that I won't be able to return. Then this will be forever. This will be my everyday. Everything I worked for, wanted, dreamed for, out the window because they didn't want to take the five minutes to properly install a machine. That ten seconds. That ten seconds that it took for me to get electrocuted could be the deciding factor of wether or not my husband and I are able to have kids. It could be the deciding factor of us buying a house, moving out of state, going on vacation, me driving out of town. That ten seconds. 

One one thousand. Two one thousand. Three one thousand. Four one thousand. Five one thousand. Six one thousand. Seven one thousand. Eight one thousand. Nine one thousand. Ten one thousand. 

Published in Diary
Monday, 06 June 2016 04:10

Am I The Only One?


This question, and many others, have plagued me for quite some time. Yet, I cant help but think to myself maybe (just maybe) I'm not the only one? 

I know I'm not the only one who suffers from a mental illness, or a disorder. While this is true, I cannot help but wonder is there anyone else out there who isolates themselves from others, or keeps people at a distance in attempt to save them from having to deal with your issues? 

Or, do things like Stays Single, Keeping Family and Friends at a Distance, Avoids public places and holiday events from being petrified to be around anyone in the fear of being judged or stigmatized, along with being consumed with fear of being triggered, frustrated, or irritated? Which only throws you into (what seems like) an endless downward spiral of uncontrollable thoughts and emotions where there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel. Which can last from hours on end, if not a couple of days. 

Yet, at the same time, wanting SO BAD for someone to talk to, or a friend to turn to, who will accept you, be you're friend through thick and thin? 

When, In fact, all you can find is the saddening comfort of solitude and the deafening quiet of the four walls you call home? Or, the awkward silence from those who say they are your friend when you turn to them for help. Or worse, them avoiding you like you were the plague?


While most of this happens in my own life. I can't even begin to put into words how terribly lonely it all can be. As I have spent an obscene amount of time isolated and alone. 

I often feel as if I'm trapped in a self made solitary confinement with no door on either wall. And the messed up part of it all is? I do this all to myself. 

Issues such as bipolar/ ptsd can indeed be difficult to handle for others who don't know, or for that matter don't want to know about them. Yet, it would simply be a breath of fresh air to actually have a friend to open up and communicate with. Someone who not only is nonjudgmental and accepting, but also is able to see past the mental illness and see a person, not just the illness/ disorder itself. 

Yet, day in and day out, “the mask” is put on. For no one see's the depressed lonely person in front of them. They simply see the mask. While the face hidden behind the facade weeps and craves for genuine human interaction.

Was just curious if anyone else out there goes through the same thing or am I the only one?

As I ask that question, many more bombard me as I bring this to a close. ..... Is there really anything wrong with me? Is it really what some of my old friends (who are no longer my friend, mind you) said? That it's all in my head. Am I making it all up or making excuses? I mean, I've known for a long time, after being hit by a vehicle at age 7 (and dying in the process), that I was different from others around me. Yet, if there is nothing wrong with me, why do I stay so isolated, so secluded away from society? Why can't I walk past my front door and go to the store to get food and supplies? Or yet, have a relationship or keep friends? 

So many questions, I know. Yet, I can't help but sit here and wonder. Am I making myself out to be worse then it is? Which is why I'm here writing this now, wondering, is there anyone else out there that goes through the same things? Or is it all a figment of my imaginations run rampant in my head? I'm sitting here driving myself crazy, stressing, day in and day out wondering all this.


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