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Thursday, 12 July 2012 17:04

In the Belly of the Beast

When we get panic attacks, we all tend to deal with them differently. Mostly because we are all unique individuals and because of that no one persons anxiety or panic attack is exactly like anothers. This is neither good nor bad. Because of this, it wouldn't make sense for me to try and tell you know to treat your anxiety, because what works for someone does nothing for someone else. That being said, all I can do is talk about my experiences and hope that by reading them, someone can relate and find comfort in the fact that they are not alone.


You are not alone.


Ever since I knew my worry and symptoms had a name - anxiety disorder - I began searching for articles to read, treatments, and more importantly, people like me. I've been on many online fourms and websites looking for that reassurance that I wasn't the only one feeling the way I felt. I soon found out I was one of millions of people worldwide who suffer with an anxiety disorder. Anxiety Social Net is a great place where I feel I can really be myself. I don't really talk about my anxiety on other social media websites, so I am grateful I can come on here and feel 'normal'.


Let me start out by saying I am on medication right now for my anxiety and depression. I had been medication free for many years, and i was trying to cope naturally. Certain events in my life had made my anxiety unbearable. I was lost, scared and to be honest, I didn't know if I could fight anymore. It was a losing battle and I had lost who I was and what I was worth, in the fight. I did some research and decided to call my local behavioral health facility. They did an assesment and told me I would be staying with them for a few days. It was volluntary, and I knew I needed help, so I took the offer. I didn't know at the time it would be the best decision I could ever make. Once I got of the stigma of being in a "mental hospital", I starting taking every opportunity they gave me with open arms. In the hospital, they put me on medication and monitored me. like most people with anxiety, I get very nervous taking medication, mostly because everything I've been on has given me terrible side effects. I usually start by only taking a quarter of what the doctor perscribed. At the hospital I didn't have a choice, they sat by me with the new medication and a cup of water and urged me to take it. I swallowed the pill and withen 20 minutes I was knocked out.


When I woke up I realized I wasn't dead, and I should take this opportunity to trust the doctors. I did, and I felt better. When I got out (I stayed for 4 days), I felt like a new person. Things were looking up and I had a new look on life.


Until June 1st. On June 1st I got a call at 2 am from my dad. My parents were living about 6 hours North of me. I woke up to my phone ringing and I instantly got a knot in my stomach. Nothing good could be at the other end of the phone. It was my dad. I knew something was wrong. I picked up the phone and answered it by saying "What's wrong!?", my dad's voice was shakey as he told me my mom had had a heart attack. She was alive, but they had to do emergency surgery and they had to fly her 45 minutes to another hospital in Oregan. I hung up the phone and my world came crashing down. I got news she passed away around 6am. Her heart was not strong enough and they could not get to the blockage. She was not sick, she wasn't morbidally obese, it was a complete shock. I love my mom with all heart. I never really knew when people talk about heart break, that a piece of your heart litterly breaks.


Since then I have been battling my anxiety with a vengance. My armor is on, my sword is in hand and I am ready to fight this war. I know there will be days when I feel defeated. When I don't want to leave the house, when the thought of going to grocery store brings feelings of terror and when I'll be perfectly fine then all of sudden I feel like I am going to die. Everyday is something new, and that's my normal.


I'm thankful for the opportunity to be able to put all these thoughts in my head into words, and I hope I can make a difference in somebody's life who is battling anxiety. We are not alone and I am proud of every single person who wakes up everyday with anxiety and keeps living, keeps pushing, and won't let thier anxiety define who they are. We are people above all, we are not our illness.



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we are a community of people struggling with mental health issues, you are not alone!


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We are a community of people struggling with mental health issues, you are not alone!