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Hurst Megan

Hurst Megan

I have been suffering from (undiagnosed) panic disorder with agoraphobia since March of 2014. I am an atheist, a dreadhead, and a lover of tattoos and piercings, and a closet hippy.
Thursday, 18 December 2014 17:19

Persistent Thoughts

I think sometimes the hardest part of having Panic Disorder is the persistent thoughts...thinking about my anxiety, thinking about a panic attack, thinking about what I'd tell a doctor about my feelings and thoughts, thinking about making an appointment with a doctor to talk about it, thinking about thinking about it, thinking about what's causing it, thinking about having a serious panic attack in public, thinking about fainting in public, thinking about living with the anxiety and on and on.  My mind nearly always is running through mock scenarios in my mind of different situations and what I'd say or do.  It's like I'm obsessed with the one thing I want to forget.  I try to focus so much on not letting the panic in; not letting it win or control me.  I surpress it, and try to control it through sheer will power (which is not always easy).  I am a very stubborn, strong willed woman, and I will not let it run my life, nor will I let it control my actions.  I have stayed at work even through sometimes very severe panic attacks and worked through the day, all the while going through waves of heart pounding, hyperventilating, chest spasming feelings.  I can do this, but it seems I need to focus on focusing my thoughts elsewhere as well.

_Megan_

Thursday, 18 December 2014 17:19

Persistent Thoughts

I think sometimes the hardest part of having Panic Disorder is the persistent thoughts...thinking about my anxiety, thinking about a panic attack, thinking about what I'd tell a doctor about my feelings and thoughts, thinking about making an appointment with a doctor to talk about it, thinking about thinking about it, thinking about what's causing it, thinking about having a serious panic attack in public, thinking about fainting in public, thinking about living with the anxiety and on and on.  My mind nearly always is running through mock scenarios in my mind of different situations and what I'd say or do.  It's like I'm obsessed with the one thing I want to forget.  I try to focus so much on not letting the panic in; not letting it win or control me.  I surpress it, and try to control it through sheer will power (which is not always easy).  I am a very stubborn, strong willed woman, and I will not let it run my life, nor will I let it control my actions.  I have stayed at work even through sometimes very severe panic attacks and worked through the day, all the while going through waves of heart pounding, hyperventilating, chest spasming feelings.  I can do this, but it seems I need to focus on focusing my thoughts elsewhere as well.

_Megan_

Wednesday, 17 December 2014 20:36

Panic Attacks

I have been experiencing panic attacks since March of 2014.  I had my first panic attack while sitting in my car, on a break at work.  I was doing something innocuous like checking Facebook, and it hit me out of no where.  My heart was racing, breathing was difficult, I was dizzy and felt like my head was 'in a bubble'.  I remember clawing at my collar bone, feeling as if there was something there restricting my breath.  I went back into work and continued my day through the feelings which came in waves.  For the next 4 days I trudged through those feelings, thinking I was getting sick with a cold or something.  I even tried taking a cold medication thinking it was mucous in my lungs making me feel like I couldn't breath.  Taking this medication actually made me feel worse; I started panicing about taking a pill, and my symptoms worsened.  I also had a severe stabbing pain in my left shoulder blade, and I managed to find one random website online that indicated that that could be a symptom of a heart attack.  This only made me panic more, and again, my symptoms worsened.  I still had not at this point even thought that I was experiencing a panic attack.  Finally, when I could not walk more than 10 feet without having to sit down due to being dizzy and out of breath, I paniced, called my husband to come home from work, and went to Urgent Care (I did not have insurance at the time and did not want to pay out of pocket for something I was sure would pass).  I was doubled over in the waiting room, convinced that I was going to pass out.  The nurse came out and took my blood oxygen level, and I was fully oxygenated.  I finally met with a doctor, who told me I was having a four day long panic attack and perscribed Xanax.  My husband and I picked up dinner on the way home and I sat, staring at the pill, crying because I was so scared, until I finally took it.  I felt 150% better.  Everything was beautiful, I was on a fucking cloud lmao!  It really did wonders.

Since that attack, I've had one almost on the dot every other Wednseday, with a few peppered in between.  I have many mini ones as well where it feels as if a wave of anxiety hits me and then passes within a few minutes but they are not as severe as the heart racing, can't focus on anything else attacks.  The mini ones are usually triggered by a pain in my chest on various sides, usually attributable to gas or muscle spasms (but that doesn't stop the panic, does it?).  I try now to just recognize them as Panic Attacks and let them pass but it's not always easy.  I also found a questionnaire online that I fill out everytime I'm in the midst of an attack.  This helps me notice patterns and inconsistencies in my symptoms as well as helps me accuratly monitor the frequency of my attacks and mini attacks. 

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